Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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