do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
