i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
