i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
