Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
