I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
