Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
