One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
