You really coming over, don't trick.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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