Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
