Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Never underestimate the power of titties
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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