"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
