dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
