Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
