I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
