I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
