if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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