Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
