What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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