Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
