dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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