Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
