life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
