No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
