you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
