His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
