You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dignity is for republicans.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
