I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
