You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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