party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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