She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
