mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
