You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
