How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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