You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
