I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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