He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im holly from the hills drunk
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
