Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
