Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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