I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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