The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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