either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
