Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
