I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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