Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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