SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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