Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
