Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
