you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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