I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
