Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
