He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
