i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I need a beard to bite.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
