I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
