I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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